Steve's touch newsletter #8, Being Seen Through Touch
BEING SEEN THROUGH TOUCH
on how touch makes us feel seen
It may have been Eckhart Tolle who first planted this seed in me two decades ago: that what every living being longs for most is to be seen as they are. And to be truly seen means to be accepted. Not improved, not managed, not “fixed” - simply welcomed, as they are, in this moment.
I recall Tolle speaking not just of us humans, but of flowers, of animals. Even if we take it poetically rather than literally, the truth lands somewhere deep. There’s a universal longing to have our beauty noticed.
Recently, I was lucky enough to receive a string of small miracles: friends telling me they had noticed and appreciated things about me I had assumed were invisible. To hear this (three times in a few days, from different people) left me as perplexed as expanded. It was as if my chest had been quietly waiting for these words for years.
That expanded feeling is exactly what I want to extend to those who come to me for bodywork. It’s also one of the central threads in my course Beyond Touch: how to touch in a way that silently says, “I see you, and you are welcome here, as you are.”
When we ask for nothing back
It behooves me to think how rare such moments of truly being seen are! Touch is often about fixing, giving, taking, working on, or simply getting it over with. Or it can be hesitant, reluctant, functional, directed or half-hearted. At best, maybe we’re lucky enough to know someone who doesn’t shy away from a good long hug.
But when touch asks nothing in return, when it travels alongside compassionate eyes and a listening heart, then the air shifts. Something inside sings. This is the ground where real healing can happen. And it need not always be about healing. Being is reason enough.
Why people will want to stay...
To me, attuned touch is the highest form of seeing and listening to another human being. Big claim, I know - and my nondual friends may raise their eyebrows - but I’ll hold my ground. There are depths wordless, touch-based communication can reach that language cannot.
For years, I half-understood this, but only slowly realized its power: those countless nights talking with friends while massaging their foot or an arm, noticing how they softened beyond what either words or touch alone could nurture. They would never want to get up. How they would leave calmed, taller somehow, carrying that rare look of having been both seen and soothed. A bit more...themselves.
This is the gift: we listen with our hands, and our hands let them know they are not alone. And maybe, just maybe, they carry that gift forward to the next person they meet. And maybe we feel that this gift, the same one, has been bestowed upon us at the same time. A smile unfolds.
What does touch tell us
Touch is the sense that gives us a feeling of being human. Alive. It’s the only sense without which we absolutely could not survive. All others could go, but without touch... we can't even comprehend what that would be.
It’s what makes us feel part of the world around us. Welcome touch makes us feel that the outside world welcomes us. A hand on the shoulder says more than a nod, more than a “hmmm,” more than even a thumbs-up emoji (though bless the emoji for trying).
A Few Questions for the Hands Before They Reach Out
(Or: How to Tune the Frequency)
Am I touching to change, take or give - or simply to meet?
Can I stay in my centre and rest my hand with nothing to prove?
What if this person needs more silence than technique?
David Whyte, as so often, puts it best.
Here is his poem Second Sight, which ends:
And then there are times you want to be
brought to ground by touch
and touch alone.
To know those arms around you
and to make your home in the world
just by being wanted.
To see eyes looking back at you,
as eyes should see you at last,
seeing you, as you always wanted to be seen…
Yes. Exactly that.
Wise Words
“We are made one with what we touch and see.” — Oscar Wilde
Musical Corner: What the world listned to fifty years ago (and still is!)
Economically difficult times in North America and parts of Europe in 1975. But compared to today’s uncertainties and global worries (a nicer word than 'insanity and revulsion'), a relative walk in the park. And the music reflected a sense of being connected to What Matters, whether in the simple pleasure of dancing, letting loose into freeform improv, or reflecting more deeply after the hippie era as pop was becoming a mega-industry.
1975 was a stellar year for classic releases in many forms: peak jazz-funk-fusion, the spark of early disco before it exploded, great years for stadium rock, and so much heart and soul. Not to mention something we miss in much of today’s pop: melody, song construction, and natural vocal aesthetics. It was also the birthyear of several close friends, including my Tea & Zen teacher, Wu De. Even as newborns, they were bearers of such amazing music!
Playlist link:
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0bEF0qKzN9YslZdfUxozC7?si=a0e26ae46f9f46b4
1975, Best Of Top 25 (of 135)
1 Modern Times LP - Al Stewart
2 12 O’Clock - Vangelis
3 Fleetwood Mac LP - Fleetwood Mac
4 Main Course LP - Bee Gees
5 Dream Weaver LP - Gary Wright
6 Listen To What The Man Said - Paul McCartney & Wings
7 Looking Out For #1 - Bachman Turner Overdrive
8 Sara Smile - Hall & Oates
9 What The Hell I Got - Michel Pagliaro
10 I’m Not In Love - 10CC
11 Picnic At Hanging Rock soundtrack - Zamphir
12 Dreamboat Annie LP - Heart
13 Fame - David Bowie
14 The Hissing of Summer Lawns LP - Joni Mitchell
15 Someone Saved My Life Tonight - Elton John
16 Miracles - Jefferson Starship
17 Still Crazy After All These Years LP - Paul Simon
18 SOS - ABBA
19 Philadelphia Freedom - Elton John
20 It Only Takes A Minute - Tavares
21 Why Can’t We Be Friends? LP - War
22 I Got The - Labi Siffre
23 I Wouldn’t Want to Lose Your Love - April Wine
24 I Only Have Eyes For You - Art Garfunkel
25 Adventures In Paradise LP - Minnie Ripperton